Picking my favorite panel or moment from any given issue of Hawkeye is a near impossible task because I love this book so hard from top to bottom, but this one stopped me in my tracks. I paused in the middle of the issue and read this one panel over and over. It sounded like something I tried to say so many times, but never got quite right. It sounded like something I should have said or should have made more clear. It sounded like something I’ve been thinking every day since.
It broke my goddamn heart and I just kept rereading it over and over.
Finding someone who feels like your other half and genuinely thinking and feeling that not only are you better together than you are apart, but that you each make the other a better person as a result is an amazing, enlightening, and awakening experience.
And when they leave you wake up every day with this ache in your chest. It feels empty and lonely and cold.
It feels like dying.
Because we were good together. Because we were unstoppable. Because we could have done anything. But people leave. Because that’s what happens. Because that’s what almost always happens. And you have to wrap your head around the idea that just because they were perfect for you doesn’t mean you were perfect for them.
So instead of clinging to that person who doesn’t want you in their life anymore you have to cling instead to the idea that a feeling like that even existed in the first place. And you have to remind yourself that it can exist again. Maybe.
I’m not really good at that last part yet.
But I’m working on it.